Sunday, 18 July 2010

Stumble & Fall

Things are slowly but surely getting worse. They can't be that bad yet though because I can see it happening. I am a great advocate of keeping an eye on my signs/symptoms and making sure I at least try to get something done before things go totally wrong. This is only true of my mental health, I'm not so quick about physical health. I admit to being somewhat bored of all the medical things going on in my life, I really hate getting this much attention focused on me, sometimes I wish that I could just be left alone. But, if I am seen to be 'refusing treatment' then I know very well that I would be risking getting put under a CTO...definitely don't want that.

What irks me slightly about treatment refusal is that I am under the impression that if I didn't have any mental illness I would probably be allowed to put my foot down and tell my medical squad not to do anymore.

The difference between physical and mental health for me is all about other people. I wouldn't be in any danger of potentially hurting another person or acting in an inappropriate way if I said that I don't want any more interventions. However, if I turned around and refused all of my mental med's there *could* be a risk of my behaving in a dangerous or inappropriate manner. I wouldn't want to cause hurt or pain (emotional or physical) to anybody other than myself.

It can be a tricky balance of doing what's right for everyone else and doing what's right for me. At the moment doing right by others is the important thing.


  1. Sounds like its a really tricky situation - and its laudable that you want to put others before yourself. Keep yourself happy as well, though, please. Sometimes all other people want to see may be you being happy.

  2. Thanks, I said to someone the other night when they asked how I'm doing that I'm fine on the outside and that's what matters. People don't want others to display the reality of their feelings if those feelings are anything other than positive. Think how many times the phrase; "cheer up it might never happen" gets used.

    I always think its such a shame that the standard answer to How are you? is either Ok or Fine. Why can it not be acceptable to say that things are rubbish and you're dying inside. That's a rhetorical question as I know the answer. People don't really want to know how you are, they just said it for the sake of it.

    If I'm in the mood for it I will answer the How are you with a totally honest response. Then watch how the person struggles to know what to say next.

    I'm not happy by any stretch of the imagination but what right have I got to inflict that on anyone else.